I miss u…. the fact that you don’t even think about me…. I thought I will NEVER contact you… why I always give up… every time…. I succumb to my desires… why …

tired of this one-sided affection… Lying to myself.. suppressing the little things that remind me of you.

sometimes I think… I didn’t even know anything about you… Nothing… you were a fantasy that became a reality.. and now this reality is eating me up like a termite…

As lucky as I feel to have got some moments with you, I also feel like somewhere it rendered me drained. To want somethings. Should I thank god for giving me this moment or should I curse myself for enjoying my illusionary image of you, trying to run behind things which were never mine. How I wish I got the chance to tell you ever how suffocated I feel when your accessibility seems impossible.

How many times I cry myself to sleep wishing that maybe someday you will be there beside me and I can lie on your shoulder and get wrapped in your arms, how surreal would that be. How many times I have dreamt about us and was hankering for a life with you.

Even though it is impossible to achieve, Why am I not able to make myself believe that the path I am walking on shall lead me to utter destruction and I will spend the whole lifetime picking up the delicate pieces of my love.

all I have for now is a lot of complains. I never really wanted you, but since you came near and gave me the taste of love, I can somehow not stop wanting for more.

If you were never supposed to be a part of my life, then why did god send you to me. It is better to not have something than to have something and lose it.

Despite all this I still miss you a lot.


some things left unsaid (part 9)

They were getting nigh to their destination. Their steps were moving, surrendering to their ardor. She was suddenly hit by the sharp pangs of realization. No matter how perfect the moment was, it was not her’s. Whatever path they were leading to might end in a catastrophe. The ice wanted to get melted by the fire, it was near the fire, but the fire was now reaching its core, making it wither away. She budged a little, and his hands wrapped around her disentangled. She was about to say something, she wanted to say a lot, but he stopped her. He kissed her hand, and in ever so serene and soft voice said, “it’s okay”.
Her words perhaps rolled down her cheeks in the form of tears. He hugged her and her tears dropped on his neck. He caressed her, trying to calm her down and they sat again. There was a deafening silence and suddenly everything was murky. There was an upheaval of a lot of things, which were perhaps left unsaid.
They decided to leave and for the last time kissed each other. He dropped her and they bid adieu, in a hope to meet soon again. She went home and for once wanted to flush out everything from her mind, go into complete oblivion. She texted him and thanked him for coming and acknowledging her wishes. He replied the next morning and told her that he reached home safely.
All this left her dazzled about how she felt about it. She wanted to give it time, the pace was too tumultuous for her and she didn’t want to break down.
Their bond was beautiful and ingenuous, she didn’t want to tarnish it. All she wanted was to be there for him, without any demands, without any hopes. She wanted to be like a pleasing zephyr, touching his senses and pacifying him.
As time passed by, they both got engulfed in the tumultuous world. She wanted to believe that let her be content by the little space she had in his life, let her not kindle desires within herself that might never be fulfilled.. But ultimately she fell for him. She fell in love for the person he was, she fell in love with those little scattered moments, she fell in love with his soul and she fell in love very slowly and gradually, like you consume a drug and it takes time to get into your blood and then your heart pumps it everywhere and your whole body becomes its abode. For her he was the drug she got addicted to…  She cried, loud to finish the space he’d created in her heart, a void which was eating her away.. but the feelings didn’t go away with the tears. She was finally in love with someone she never thought of. He is still a part of her life. The first person she fell for could not be her’s.. She locked her emotions in the chasms of the darkest corners of her heart.. Because as they say.. ‘somethings are best left unsaid’





some things left unsaid (part 8)

She felt numb and the music was not reaching her ears anymore. He was being sudden and unexpected in his moves. He suddenly turned her around and there she was in the arms of the man she admired. The song got over and his grip loosened. Now they were a few inches apart. There was silence, but they were communicating through their eyes. He again started coming towards her, and his voice was soft yet seductive. She was a bit nervous and shy. He said, “I know you wantcha.”, she moved a little backward saying “no, I don’t”, his eyes, his voice, his manoeuver , everything about him was making her loose control. In her mind there were numerous thoughts running, she got lost again and for a second forgot that she was with him. He suddenly pushed her again, this time it was more fierce, more intense and they locked their lips. Her heart skipped a beat, because at that moment she was so lost and his move was totally unexpected. They kissed and kissed, he held her tight and her eyes were closed. For that one moment they wanted to forget everything and just move in the rhythm of their lips. Time slowed down and that being her first kiss was one of the most beautiful thing she has ever experienced. Finally, they stopped to breathe. She was emancipated by the clasps of her most precious moment. She saw him, with a little smile and slightly pink lips. She remembered applying a tinted balm and probably it got transferred. She was smiling and it was all very ethereal. They moved towards each other again and this time they were kissing as if they were taught in havens and the whole universe was celebrating it. Their tounges delve deeper and they were moving towards the bed. Slowly and gradually. she could feel the rim of the bed right behind her knees. . . .

some things left unsaid (part 7)

finally the day they waited for arrived. She was waiting for his call and all excited and nervous at the same time. All sorts of thoughts were going in her mind, will he recognize me? what will they talk? what if he doesn’t enjoy her company?
For a while she stopped thinking. She knew that they were actually very different. He was bold, fierce and an extrovert. But she was a quite, demure and simplistic girl. She just wanted to see her man, to feel his presence, to look into his deep brown eyes… Finally he called her to meet. She was nervous, but got ready. She wore her favourite piece of clothing and topped it with a leather jacket. It was the month of feb, and though it was not chilling cold, but cold enough to wear an extra layer of clothing. She arrived and called him. He was already there in the mall, where they decided to meet. She entered it, but couldn’t locate him. She was just lost in her own thoughts and was walking like a wanderer, searching for him. Surprisingly she already passed by him and he was right behind her, while she was trying to find him. She stopped and saw him walking towards her. Seeing him her faace instantly lit up with a grin. He was tall and adorned a playful smile. But there was a difference in the man she was seeing now and the man she saw before. He somehow looked more austere, but his smile was still the same, with slight dimples and a wide smile shining right in eye. But aaah.. they finally met, Shook hands and hugged each other. They sat in the cafe for a while, and he finally asked her to acompany him to his abode since he was tired. He had been driving and travelling since morning, and concidering the fact that he drove 400kms to meet her, she agreed. She didn’t want to think about anything else while she was with him. They drove to his room. It was a warm cosy room with a humungous glass window. They just sat down on the couch relaxed. It was just him and her. She could have probably stayed like this forever and just wanted the moment to freeze. The TV was on and there played a soft romantic song. They looked at each other and as if their souls knew what to do. They got up and he held his hand and placed it right behind his neck. They moved closer and closer till there was nothing between them. Not even a slight air. She could hear his heartbeat and feel his warm breath on her face. There was a certain scent which was unique to him and very hard to describe. It was the closest she has ever been to anyone. He moved his hands on her waist and pushed her towards him. He kissed her eyes and then very gentally put her hair behind. The moment was surreal, and there they were, succumbing to the beats, to their mingling breadths and their fervour. .. . . . .

some things left unsaid (part 6)

this is a continued series.
please refer the following
part 1- https://kratzworld.wordpress.com/2016/09/30/some-things-left-unsaid-part-one/
part 2- https://kratzworld.wordpress.com/2016/10/01/some-things-left-unsaid-part-2/
part 3- https://kratzworld.wordpress.com/2016/10/02/some-things-left-unsaid-part-3/
part 4- https://kratzworld.wordpress.com/2016/10/02/some-things-left-unsaid-part-4/
part 5- https://kratzworld.wordpress.com/2016/10/03/some-things-left-unsaid-part-5/

Things were going at their own pace. A lot of their talks revolved around their purported meet up. She was still not sure, but she was enjoying this phrase and all the ardour he was pouring in the planning. It sounded like something thrilling and memorable, like the best time of their life. The much hated and egotist stranger was making his way through her heart and all she could do was flow with the tide of time.
There were just two days left in the scheduled date, but she was anxious about going. All this sounded way too daring for her. She asked him to come instead.
But this was not as easy as it sounded. He got furious and tried pushing her to go by the plan. They talked about it, but he supposedly took her promise to his heart and was now enraged about her backing off. She had tears in her eyes. While trying to explain that she didn’t have any intention of hurting him and didn’t really consider a lot before promising him. It was just something she said in the heat of the moment but her intentions were innocuous. He was still stubborn and not willing to bow down to the lady’s plea, leaving her sad and desolate.
She again tried to explain him, he closed the whole matter in a not so happy note. This little broken promise created a dent in their new found relationship, which was at this stage all about trust and words, since they officially never met and she somewhere broke that very trust by making a false claim.
It was her birthday, just a week after their little squabble. She thought that he will forget and not call or even wish her. It was 12:00 AM and she waited for 2 hours in a hope that he might call, even though her expectations were dim. She woke up the next morning and there it was, his number flashed on her phone screen and she picked up his call. The first thing in the morning, when she was not even out of bed. He wished her and told her that he called at 1:00 AM, but the phone was off. and she recalled a slight moment when her phone battery died and it got off. The stars were probably against her then.
She went out with her friends and the day passed like a whirl of wind.
Their relation got a bit tainted and this made her emotionally exhausted. She wanted to meet him more than he wanted and one fine day she requested him to come. He agreed to see her soon. There it was, after a few days she got the most wonderful message in which he stated, “babe, coming tomorrow.!!”
She was happy beyond description and that night was the longest one. Each hour was like a long long wait. Both of them have waited enough and now finally the very moment was here, their first ever meet. . . . . e

some things left unsaid (part 4)

It was a fine Sunday morning. She was chilling out with friends outside their favourite street food stall and a beloved hangout space. They were eating and having fun, even though her exam didn’t go that well but she wanted to let it go. Suddenly her phone rang, thinking that it was her mom who must be anxious about her and even anxious about her whereabouts. But to her utter shock it was him. She had saved his name just by his initials and she felt almost uncomfortable by this sudden call. since all her friends were there and she didn’t want them to know that she has been talking to a complete stranger who was not even living in the same city.
She gave an excuse and went aside beneath a tree and picked up his call. Somewhere deep down she was also happy that he called but again nervous. They exchanged greetings and he told that he was travelling back and he was off facebook. He wanted to call because they didn’t talk after that chat. She was pleasantly surprised, but even she wanted to take it slow. They talked for a while and she told him a little about her ongoing exams. Finally, he boarded the train and kept the phone.
She also came back home tired and slept for a while.

It was evening and her phone buzzed. Usually in the age of social media anyone seldom leave text messages. But there it was, him. Texting her, saying that since he is unavailable on social media, she can contact him here. So they did, and a series of words began again. This time they talked more casual and it was a chat full of sarcasm and pun. They both started enjoying each other’s company and finally they bid adieu.

After a few days he texted that thinking about the last exchange of messages, brought a smile on his face. She was elevated, overwhelmed and the feeling was tough to describe. He was slowly but steadily making his presence felt, something about him was constantly stirring up her deepest desires. She had never felt this way before for anyone. It was too tough to describe. Was it even too early to name it anything beyond friendship, since she’d never personally met him, neither has it been too long since they have started talking. But it was as if he knew what to say, he just used the perfect words at the perfect time. Almost like beating the iron while it was still hot. She felt an upheaval of emotions.
He wished her luck for her upcoming exam.

She felt the urge to read his text again and a grin escaped her soft pink lips making it’s way to her big resplendent eyes.

some things left unsaid. (part 3)

this is a continued series.
please refer the following
part 1- https://kratzworld.wordpress.com/2016/09/30/some-things-left-unsaid-part-one/
part 2- https://kratzworld.wordpress.com/2016/10/01/some-things-left-unsaid-part-2/

It was approximately 10:00AM when they started talking. A very normal chat that started on a not so sweet note started turning into a rhapsodic exchange of thoughts, emotions, past,present. The whole day it was just him and her mobile phone. Typing and typing till their hands could possibly move. They talked about everything, places they visited, old school memories, sharing about the most bizzare things they’ve done. It was like they were ‘the known strangers’. They had so much to say, yet so little. She never thought that the guy she loathed in the beginning would be able to hold the conversation for hours and hours. He suddenly appeared to be an intriguing person, a person she wanted to know more, delve deeper into his world, explore his deepest scars. He was an enigma, a cryptic code she was trying to decipher. In a matter of few hours her opinion about him started altering.
They talked till the dusk, till the midnight moon rose high and the stars started twinkling, till the whole world was asleep and only two strangers were awake.
He finally decided to call her in those wee hours, his voice so bold and virile, she didn’t essentially notice his voice before, but now it was another characteristic that was spelling charm on her. She was extremely reticent and though she talked, but there was still an aura of discomfort and the call ended soon.
They again got back to texting and it was almost dawn. The sun was about to rise in an hour or two, but that day even sleep was defeated by their desires. They finally decided to take each other’s leave since the phone battery was shouting for some energy and their eyes were yelling for sleep.
She woke up with a smile next day, but also thought that maybe this is the end. They will never again talk and it was just a fun long chat that happened. He didn’t show any desire to stay in touch and neither did she. another week passed by and there was utter silence between them. She thought about him once or twice but anyway, she was not expecting another text from him and neither she wanted to text him back.