I MISS YOU.

I miss u…. the fact that you don’t even think about me…. I thought I will NEVER contact you… why I always give up… every time…. I succumb to my desires… why …

tired of this one-sided affection… Lying to myself.. suppressing the little things that remind me of you.

sometimes I think… I didn’t even know anything about you… Nothing… you were a fantasy that became a reality.. and now this reality is eating me up like a termite…

As lucky as I feel to have got some moments with you, I also feel like somewhere it rendered me drained. To want somethings. Should I thank god for giving me this moment or should I curse myself for enjoying my illusionary image of you, trying to run behind things which were never mine. How I wish I got the chance to tell you ever how suffocated I feel when your accessibility seems impossible.

How many times I cry myself to sleep wishing that maybe someday you will be there beside me and I can lie on your shoulder and get wrapped in your arms, how surreal would that be. How many times I have dreamt about us and was hankering for a life with you.

Even though it is impossible to achieve, Why am I not able to make myself believe that the path I am walking on shall lead me to utter destruction and I will spend the whole lifetime picking up the delicate pieces of my love.

all I have for now is a lot of complains. I never really wanted you, but since you came near and gave me the taste of love, I can somehow not stop wanting for more.

If you were never supposed to be a part of my life, then why did god send you to me. It is better to not have something than to have something and lose it.

Despite all this I still miss you a lot.

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TONIGHT.

TONIGHT, darling let’s get drowned in our oh so messianic ocean; we’ll forget it all and get soaked in the droplets of aphrodisiac, among the smog of wreck.
let’s set this forlorn lump of heart on fire, make it feel something.. I susurrate in your ears those magical words, while we lie down gazing the dark clouds etiolate the moon.

TONIGHT, let the stark darkness hide our cicatrix and the rhythmic pulse be the lullaby to get us to hibernate and rescue us from the pandemonium.

TONIGHT, let me string together my words into a curio, while I feel the warmth of your exhalation.

TONIGHT DARLING LET US FIND AN ESCAPE. . . . . . .

some things left unsaid (part 9)

They were getting nigh to their destination. Their steps were moving, surrendering to their ardor. She was suddenly hit by the sharp pangs of realization. No matter how perfect the moment was, it was not her’s. Whatever path they were leading to might end in a catastrophe. The ice wanted to get melted by the fire, it was near the fire, but the fire was now reaching its core, making it wither away. She budged a little, and his hands wrapped around her disentangled. She was about to say something, she wanted to say a lot, but he stopped her. He kissed her hand, and in ever so serene and soft voice said, “it’s okay”.
Her words perhaps rolled down her cheeks in the form of tears. He hugged her and her tears dropped on his neck. He caressed her, trying to calm her down and they sat again. There was a deafening silence and suddenly everything was murky. There was an upheaval of a lot of things, which were perhaps left unsaid.
They decided to leave and for the last time kissed each other. He dropped her and they bid adieu, in a hope to meet soon again. She went home and for once wanted to flush out everything from her mind, go into complete oblivion. She texted him and thanked him for coming and acknowledging her wishes. He replied the next morning and told her that he reached home safely.
All this left her dazzled about how she felt about it. She wanted to give it time, the pace was too tumultuous for her and she didn’t want to break down.
Their bond was beautiful and ingenuous, she didn’t want to tarnish it. All she wanted was to be there for him, without any demands, without any hopes. She wanted to be like a pleasing zephyr, touching his senses and pacifying him.
As time passed by, they both got engulfed in the tumultuous world. She wanted to believe that let her be content by the little space she had in his life, let her not kindle desires within herself that might never be fulfilled.. But ultimately she fell for him. She fell in love for the person he was, she fell in love with those little scattered moments, she fell in love with his soul and she fell in love very slowly and gradually, like you consume a drug and it takes time to get into your blood and then your heart pumps it everywhere and your whole body becomes its abode. For her he was the drug she got addicted to…  She cried, loud to finish the space he’d created in her heart, a void which was eating her away.. but the feelings didn’t go away with the tears. She was finally in love with someone she never thought of. He is still a part of her life. The first person she fell for could not be her’s.. She locked her emotions in the chasms of the darkest corners of her heart.. Because as they say.. ‘somethings are best left unsaid’

 

 

 

THE END.

a conversation that never happened. #2

she:- why did you enter my life. Why did this happen. Why the circumstances turned against us. What happened to the things you said?

he:- I know what I said. But you see things change with time. I don’t know, you just don’t have that spark in you any more.

she:- But I never changed. I am still the same old girl you considered the reason of your smile, the gleam of your twinkling eyes. You forgot the sleepless nights, the never ending chats. How can you say that..!!!

HE:- I remember everything. But I don’t wish to talk about it anymore.

she:- So you do remember. Was my impact so feeble that you won’t even care to stay. To tell me what made you so stoic and numb towards my devotion. What made you blind towards all my affection. Please answer me..!! I need to know what was my fault. Why did I become the ultimate victim.

he:- I warned you. Didn’t I. Don’t play with fire you might end up getting charred. Yet you didn’t listen.

she:- I did. I tried my best.. But you already became a part of my soul. I couldn’t separate you. Even if it meant burning myself.

He:- too much infatuation. Isn’t it young lady. ?

she:- If infatuation lasts for eternity; If infatuation makes you relinquish yourself in the fire of love; If infatuation makes you so selfless that you keep the person above yourself, then yes, IT IS INFATUATION.

Near, yet so far. . . .

For the one who is near yet so far.

who is known yet a stranger, who exists yet doesn’t.

With whom I shared a lot yet so little;

I dedicate it to that person….

it took me time to realize that you are not real but a figment of my quixotic imagination.
Still, my mind wants to believe your existence;

your delusional presence; my irrational fervor; my pulverized dream; my unfinished story……….

 

I would rather be typhlotic; than to see you leave…

I would rather be paralyzed, than not being able to walk with you ever again;

I would rather asphyxiate all my dreams if you are not a part of them..!!!

An incomplete conversation. . .

The words in bracket denote the thoughts.

she:- (I realized my love for you amidst all the ruckus and
chaos of the unruly world. I want to confess it now.. whisper
the chime of my feelings in your ears.. I have waited for this
day since a long time. Wondering every time what words in the
world can delineate what you mean to me.)

SHE-: heyy.. I’m eagerly waiting for the day when we
are meeting..!

HE:- me too..!! and I want to say something….

SHE:- WHAT? 🙂

HE:- I want to tell you my love story. It’s a long one so
bear with me okay..!!

SHE:- I also wanted to say something.. But I guess not any
more. (tears rolled down the cheek, and evry thing seemed
hazy.. It was as if someone has sucked the life out of her
and suddenly it was a lethal abyss she was trapped in)

HE:- But why so. ?? Our bond was never this weak. We’ve
shared everything and anything. Then why won’t you tell.

SHE:- It won’t make any sense now..

HE:- But why won’t it?? I have always respected you and your
emotions.

SHE:- I forgot that there is a difference between respecting
and embracing…!
(May be my chimeric castle was meant to burn in the fire of
my agony)