this is a post by an amazing, talented and hardworking friend. Though not a writer, I could resonate with his words very well. hence sharing 🙂 🙂
Twentysomething is a very dangerous stage to be in, you are not sure about anything and your worries are endless. You are burdened by expectations from others and some from your own stupid self. You like (with a heart emoticon) those articles on Facebook about travelling, self-exploration, and things to do before 25, but you don’t have either time or money to do any of that. Your buckets lists are getting bigger with each day and your endeavors to uncheck those items decrease with each day. Finding out what you love and to do/have what you love are two difference things in this stage.
Because, life, yes! life my friend, in this stage, this treacherous stage, is a fucking race. Everyone, be it in office, or social circle, is running after something unattainable. Your friends from school, college and office are either planning to get married by end of 2017 or are actually getting married in the first quarter of 2017 as if they are running to achieve their end of the financial year targets. Your ex-girlfriends are getting engaged/married and their bachelorette/honeymoon pictures and travel check-ins are all over your news feed.
And you, the unapologetic and procrastinator you, are still trying out to figure out about what to fill in those Forms 12B, and ITR-1 for your yearly Tax filing or how to convince your maid to not take weekends off or how to get up on time every day for office.
Life will be different after college, they said. It will be this different, they didn’t say and still they say, you are not ‘there’ yet. I AM NOW HITTING THE PANIC BUTTON.
I recall just two weeks back I wrote about groping and gender inequality. Never knew that another incident shall provoke me to write for the same. None the less, today I shall not criticize because eventually, the hooligans might not be reading WordPress.
As Indians, I really don’t know why it takes cases like nirbhaya or Bengaluru molestation to show how flimsy our security forces are, especially when it comes to an issue like “women security”. The reports, regarding all of this happening in the presence of a substantial number of cops added insult to injury.
This shows the respect for law and authority by our fellow citizens and above all the respect for a woman’s modesty and security. The problem lies in ‘ignorance’.
Even as women and citizens, we tend to ignore small things until something big happens. We try to ignore men passing lewd comments, groping, eve teasing and such petty things eventually provoke something big, and then the issue finally comes into the limelight when something big happens. The problem here lies in lack of proof, because mostly if someone is molesting, we eventually cannot proof the fact. Here at the venue there were more than 25 CCTV cameras installed and hundreds of witnesses. Till yet I don’t see any substantial action from the security personals. Are they also waiting for something as big as the “nirbhaya case” to happen, so that they can catch the criminals and our governments can again become the empathetic leaders, announcing aids to the victim’s family and perhaps providing the best of medical facilities.
I don’t know how true or false are the reports regarding the number of women molested and what was happening. But even if one woman was molested that too in the presence of so much crowd and security, nothing can be more shameful than this.
According to the december 2015 reports by the Indian express, an average of 6 rapes, 15 molestations occur each day. These are perhaps the cases which are reported, I don’t know what figure it might have reached if all 100% cases are reported.
let us analyze one by one what are the reasons that compel women to not report cases. One of them being, that if a thing happens time and again, we accept it as a part of life. Just like that, eve teasing and molestation on streets have become so common that for many the best action is to ignore. Even if these cases are reported, the action taken are too feeble to make an impact.
Moreover, in many backward and patriarchal families, it is still a taboo to be a victim of such crimes. Most of the time voices are suppressed because people don’t acknowledge the fact that this is a very serious violation of basic human rights and needs to be checked. To curb this especially in India, I would suggest all schools and colleges to include compulsory sex education. Till today, many of us shy away from openly discussing such topics and this is the manifestation of the mindset which has been trained to hush voices. Parents shy away from discussing any such topics with their children. It is very important to know that any type of abuse is a crime and needs to be reported.
The truth is that change is not sudden and easy. We have a long way to go, to remove such crimes. But what I believe is that we as citizens lack unity. Solely because we have an attitude “other’s problem is not my problem”, but we forgot that some day we might be others to someone. If at the bengaluru case, every person in the gathering, which was huge enough to handle goons, would have shown some serious empathy and unity, then this might have been an epitome of how aware citizens of a metro city fight against any atrocities. I hope some day we all raise our voices together when we see any girl standing helplessly or rather running away. The biggest power lies in unity and together 132.6 million i=Indians can definitely surmount any difficulties.
Just a quick disclaimer. I don’t wish to offend anyone.
I live in India. But the issue on which I’m going to talk about is for all the women out there. No matter where you live, what you do. Some recent happenings propelled me to write this. I hope I do justice through my words.
Firstly, women are way beyond boobs and asses. It is not the only thing that makes a woman A WOMAN. Scientifically speaking absence of Y chromosome makes a woman. It makes me wonder sometimes that is it just because of the physical attributes MAN nad WOMEN are characterized. Why can’t it be just HUMANS. Ok.. so back to the point. Most of us believe that women are weak in some way. Because I see a separate queue for women in banks, I see reservations for women in posts, colleges, companies. But wait a minute.. Are we women really weak?? are we??
Oh.. yes we are. We are weak because we CARE. We are weak because we are willing to make some sacrifices which MEN won’t. But wait.. I won’t play a blame game here. Let’s get to the start, shall we. It was women who have to leave their homes, shift to their husband’s home, change their names and try to acclimatice in a whole new environment. It is the case in all parts of the world.. right. But sadly it is not the one. Above all we women have the responsibility to carry our genes. Technically the job of man is to plant a lucky sperm and woman to give birth. But wait, that’s not it. The child will life long carry the father’s name and you will question the legitimacy of a child without marriage or call the mother a Bitch.
But still, she is the one who’s gonna raise the child anyway. Sacrifice her career, be in bed recovering and then taking care of the child. It is just the MOTHER.
But we have a solution for this. MATERNITY LEAVES. Giving women the liberty to work part time. Strange isn’t it, men are never asked to sit back home and take care of the child while women go to work. And we have antidotes of all of these. Provide women with incentives and liberties. It is like first taking a bird and capturing her in a cage, because you never wanted her to fly. But somehow you let her out, this time weight attached to her feet. She can fly but not sky high.
Ohh yes. If she tries to shake off the weights, what will you call her, ‘a slut’ or ‘bitch’. Or these terms are less derogatory for a sexually promiscuous woman. And that’s not it. If she trusts you, you’d think that you have all right over her and yeah, she’s a whore anyway. She’s willing and ready. If she refrains, then a slight better term ‘narrow minded bitch’. Dear men, the dichotomy baffles me. And, wait if she abstains, then too we have a way out, ‘RAPE’ ‘ABUSE’ ‘GROPING’, but may be these terms are too mainstream, aren’t they.
Let’s talk about women at our home. Yeahh, your wifes. Your unpaid servants or slaves. The unheard squeals make a louder noise and if somewhere or sometime that noise makes way to your ears you will be deaf. But I am not a misandrist. So next time when you send me flowers, please name them to bitch.
It was a friday evening and I was there in the park for my customary evening saunter. The day is especially crowded because of a temporary market which is laid on the street every friday. You name a thing and you have it. the glitzy market lit by small lamps and bulbs offering a plethora of items, clothes, eatables.
Evenings are jammed with all sorts of people and the moment you pass by you can hear a vendor offering a good bargain or perhaps someone selling freshly toasted peanuts or the kids humming around the balloon and toy sellers like a bee.
It is mostly famous in the people living in a nearby slum area, for the market has some relly cheap offerings. My domestic help often asks for breaks for going to the ‘famous’ street market.
So coming back to the garden, I saw a lady weeping hysterically. She was sitting with a child, a small child who was offering all the support he can. Sometimes kissing her and sometimes trying to make her laugh.. but the lady didn’t stop.
My curiosity led me towards her and I asked her that why she was crying.
She looked and me and I could see her willingness to share. It’s strange how sometimes little empathy works. I patiently listen to her. She told me that her husband gave her 300rs to shop for her kid and get the groceries and all necessary items and in the havoc of the tumultuous market she lost her wallet. She was scared by the thought of going back to her husband who is going to chide her for her carelessness. I offered her all the support I can and I had. I was not carrying any cash so I couldn’t help her much.
But this whole incident made me think. The amount which meant so much for her accounts to my one time grocery bill or a little splurge on a food item or for that matter a trivial amount.
There are so many things in life that we don’t value but for others, it could mean the world. This incident just made me thank the almighty for bestowing me with certain things.
Not trying to be preachy, but sometimes it’s good to hold on for a while and gratify the little things we have. 🙂
I forgive you.
My dear self,
I forgive you for all the times you didn’t believe in your self,
I forgive you for all those times when you didn’t do things you should have done,
I forgive you for loving and trusting the wrong and letting go the right,
I forgive you for not knowing things that you should have known earlier,
I forgive you for caring too much sometimes and at other times not caring at all,
I forgive you for all the failures and mistakes,
I forgive you for those dolorous nights when you cried till your eyes were practically devoid of tears and finally your body succumbed to sleep,
I forgive you for carrying the burden of other’s hopes and achievements on your own shoulders and constantly trying to prove your worth when all you should have done was setting your own definitions and boundaries, walking your own path and keeping the will firm.
I forgive you for the times when you felt worthless and criticized yourself to a level that you no longer believed and trusted your abilities, for you let the pessimism seep so deep in you and you created a robust wall barring all hopes and optimism.
I forgive you for not being yourself and trying to live for others,
Remember baby you never have to justify your actions , your failures, your mistakes or even your success to anyone. You don’t owe them, neither you will ever.
I forgive you for being too harsh on yourself when you really didn’t deserve to be treated that way.
Above all I FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT FORGIVING YOURSELF…..!!!
I miss u…. the fact that you don’t even think about me…. I thought I will NEVER contact you… why I always give up… every time…. I succumb to my desires… why …
tired of this one-sided affection… Lying to myself.. suppressing the little things that remind me of you.
sometimes I think… I didn’t even know anything about you… Nothing… you were a fantasy that became a reality.. and now this reality is eating me up like a termite…
As lucky as I feel to have got some moments with you, I also feel like somewhere it rendered me drained. To want somethings. Should I thank god for giving me this moment or should I curse myself for enjoying my illusionary image of you, trying to run behind things which were never mine. How I wish I got the chance to tell you ever how suffocated I feel when your accessibility seems impossible.
How many times I cry myself to sleep wishing that maybe someday you will be there beside me and I can lie on your shoulder and get wrapped in your arms, how surreal would that be. How many times I have dreamt about us and was hankering for a life with you.
Even though it is impossible to achieve, Why am I not able to make myself believe that the path I am walking on shall lead me to utter destruction and I will spend the whole lifetime picking up the delicate pieces of my love.
all I have for now is a lot of complains. I never really wanted you, but since you came near and gave me the taste of love, I can somehow not stop wanting for more.
If you were never supposed to be a part of my life, then why did god send you to me. It is better to not have something than to have something and lose it.
Despite all this I still miss you a lot.